Laertes: "That drop of blood that's calm proclaims me bastard!" – Speaking of blood – if you want to make your own realistic lifelike pools, gushes, spurts and splats of the red stuff for your own shows, or Halloween, or just to pull a cruel, cruel trick on someone...

It's cheap, it's simple, it's easy – and being washing-up-liquid-based, it even washes out of clothing (er... eventually! Ahem!) Mix cheap green washing-up liquid, red and green food colouring and hot chocolate powder... You want it runny, add some water... You want it to look clotted and congealed, add more chocolate powder and mix it more clumsily... Not to go all Nigella on ya, but don't worry about measurements... It's all very much "to taste"... not that you'd want to taste it! Yerp!